In anticipation of the release of X-Men: Days of Future Past, I decided to watch The Last Stand for the first time since Midnight on May 26, 2006 (A.K.A. the day my innocence was taken from me), with the intent of finding ten redeeming qualities. Here is what I found:
Spoilers, obviously, but who cares?
1. It's Short
At just 104 minutes, The Last Stand mercifully ended before I seriously considered getting violent. The length could also be considered a knock against it; considering that the movie crammed in two of the comic book series' iconic arcs, it should probably be longer than the average romantic comedy. But let's just be positive for like five minutes, okay? Jeeze.
2. The Danger Room
That there was finally a Danger Room scene is pretty neat. The fact that it contained a Colossus- Wolverine fastball special resulting in a decapitated Sentinel makes it a highlight.
3. Ellen Page
Page was wonderfully cast as Kitty Pryde, a fan favorite character who had appeared briefly in the first two films, portrayed by two lesser-known actresses. The fact that Page was struggling with her own sexual identity at the time must have made the movie's themes even more meaningful to her.
4. Kelsey Grammer
Grammer was an inspired choice to play Hank McCoy / Beast. Although his costume makes him look like Sully from Monster Inc.'s stunt double, the actor himself is a great fit at the brainy mutant.
5. I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!
The movie's most memorable line is often cited as a point against the film, but I have a feeling that if it appeared in one of the better X-Men films, this line would be considered a fun, meta moment. And no matter how bad the movie was, we'll always have that clip. Seriously, this was one of the few things Ratner did right.
6. Angel
Although the character isn't fleshed out as much as he could be, his wings look pretty, especially when he's flying. Plus, the movie gets bonus points for having all of the original X-Men (Professor X, Cyclops, Angel, Beast, Iceman, Jean Grey).
7. Sirs Patrick and Ian
As much as this movie pisses me off, it is still redeemed ever so slightly just by the presence of Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellan. I'd probably watch a movie of those two thumb wrestling for two hours. In fact, I'd probably see it opening night.
8. They Didn't Actually Kill Off Professor X
We're really digging deep for "praise" here, but at least they contrived a way for Professor X to not really be dead. You don't deprive Sir Patrick of the opportunity to be in subsequent sequels without consequence.
Come on, only two more to go! You can do it, me!
9. It Doesn't Give You Cancer
As far as I know, watching X-Men: The Last Stand has never been directly linked to an increased risk of cancer.
10. Nope, Couldn't Do It
Hey, I found nine redeeming qualities, which is far better than anyone thought I'd do. Kudos to me, really.
If you want to watch a Brett Ratner film with ten redeeming qualities, I recommend Rush Hour. I remember liking it when I was 12, so you'll probably enjoy it, especially if you're a 12-year-old. Even especiallyer if you're a 12-year-old me.
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