If Game of Thrones were produced by Judd Apatow: Part Two

Part Two: The Ones That Weren't In Part One!

In case you missed Part One: I have it on good authority that an alternate dimension exists in which Judd Apatow produced Game of Thrones, not Girls, for HBO. Here are the actors he cast in certain key roles.

Daenerys Targaryen: Lena Dunham

Dunham is one of the brightest and freshest talents of her generation; a writer and actor with her own unique voice. Much like our beloved Khaleesi, she also has, as the Barenaked Ladies would say, 'a history of losing her shirt.'

Jaime Lannister: Paul Rudd

Handsome and manly (i.e. hairy-chested), yet gifted with a wry sense of humor, this is one of the easiest roles to cast.

Cersei Lannister: Leslie Mann

What would an Apatow production be without his wife? Her ability to get under your skin would have been perfect for Queen Cersei, and this role would have reunited her with her on-screen husband from Knocked Up and This is 40, although their relationship in this is a little more...interesting (intercesting? incesteresting?)

Tyrion Lannister: Jonah Hill

It is a shame that Apatow couldn't have found someone who better fit this part size-wise, but the precedent (and technology) for this type of casting exists: the actors who played dwarves and hobbits in the Lord of the Rings movies were not themselves dwarves (plus, I couldn't find the existence of dwarves in any other Apatow project, so casting Warwick Davis would have been incongruous with the gimmick of this post...) 

Hill has the aptitude to portray Tyrion's trademark dry wit, which is essential for an actor playing the series' most beloved character. Plus, when you consider how much weight he has lost since his Superbad days, the slimmer version of Jonah Hill is, comparatively, a half-man.

Joffrey Baratheon: Christopher Mintz-Plasse

McLovin is excellent at portraying an irritating little dick, as seen in Superbad and Kick Ass. He also has experience playing royalty as (spoiler alert!!!) the king in Role Models (for, like, a minute).

Robert Baratheon: John C. Reilly

Reilly is a great actor, especially in roles that allow him to show his comedic chops. He also has an uncanny ability to seem belligerently drunk, even when he’s probably not trying to, which works perfectly for King Robert.

Tywin Lannister: Jane Lynch

None of Apatow's regular collaborators are old enough to play Tywin Lannister, a character who requires an actor with serious gravitas, so casting the Lannister patriarch would have been a real Meereenese Knot. Some of Lynch's best roles have her playing rigid authority figures (Glee, 40 Year Old Virgin, Talladega Nights) and she can be surprisingly terrifying when she wants to be.

Littlefinger: Jason Schwartzman

He always seems like he has a secret to tell. Plus, he looks creepy with a mustache. Then again, who doesn't?

Varys: Bill Hader

Who better than this gifted impressionists to play the master of disguise?

The Hound: Danny McBride

Kenny Powers has the mean streak necessary to portray Sandor Clegane. It would certainly be harder to redeem this character if he were played by Danny McBride, as is the case with every character played by Danny McBride.

And now, some quick hitters:

Jorah Mormont: Jason Segel
Stannis Baratheon: Steve Carrell
Davos Seaworth: Chris O'Dowd
Melisandre: Kathryn Hahn
Oberyn Martell: Sacha Baron Cohen
Margaery Tyrell: Carla Gallo
Loras Tyrell: Jack McBrayer
Lady Olenna: Margo Martindale
Brienne of Tarth: Melissa McCarthy
Renly Baratheon: Adam Scott
Bronn: Jack Black
Shae: Megan Fox
Podrick Payne: Samm Levine
Gendry: David Krumholtz
Maester Luwin: Fred Willard
Viserys Targaryen: Joe Lo Truglio
Khal Drogo: Russel Brand
Xaro Xhoan Daxos: Craig Robinson
The Mountain: David Koechner
Talisa: Rose Byrne
Gilly: Ellie Kemper
Ramsay Snow: Ken Jeong

And that'll do it. Please direct all hate mail to NedSnarkComplaintLine@gmail.com