With December 25 almost upon us, this week's power rankings also double as a plea to lay down our arms and end this senseless war on Christmas! How many elves must die before enough is enough?
Click on the pictures to experience the full effect of each sweater's endearing tackiness. Links for each original picture is provided in the tier headings, but the terrible puns are all courtesy of yours truly (me).
Here it is: undeniable proof that Santa Claus can be black, much to the chagrin of Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly. If it wasn't true, it wouldn't be on a sweater. That simple, universal truth applies to most situations.
This particular sweater makes the statement that Christmas spirit is colorblind. Then again, anyone wearing any of these ugly sweaters most likely has some sort of visual impairment.
This sweater shows us the softer side of Santa (he really needs to add more roughage to his diet). It reminds us that Mr. Kringle is, after all, just another human, while also confirming the old adage that "everybody poops."
When discussing the history of Christmas, our society tends to gloss over the dark spots. It is time for us to put an end to the morally reprehensible practice of granting consciousness to inanimate cookies, then promptly eating them, limb-by-limb. Can we at least agree to eat them head-first to give them the mercy of a quick death?
This sweater depicts the events of the infamous "Night of Insatiable Hunger," in which Santa consumed nearly two-thirds of the world's Gingerbread Man population. Since that night, children have been leaving an offering of milk and cookies for Old Saint Nick in order to replete his cravings and save the now-endangered species of Gingerbread Men.
