NFL Power Rankings: Week 6 - Will Ferrell Edition!

You probably saw those car commercials featuring Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy that ran all day during Sunday’s football games.  The end result is that I can’t remember what car was being advertised and Will Ferrell movies are the theme of this week’s power rankings.

Tier One: Anchorman

1. Broncos (5-0) – (Previous rank: 1)

Maybe the most quotable comedy of the past decade, this is the quintessential Will Ferrell movie.  I go back and forth on which of these top two movies I like more, but no character is more synonymous with Ferrell than Ron Burgundy.

There’s really not much more to say about how good Peyton Manning and the Broncos have been, so I’ll just list three of my fifteen favorite Ron Burgundy quotes:

“The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.”

“Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.”

“I’m Ron Burgundy?”

Tier Two: Old School

2. Saints (5-0) – (3)

3. Chiefs (5-0) – (6)

Unlike in Anchorman, Will Ferrell is not the central protagonist of Old School (that would be Luke Wilson’s rather drab Mitch Martin), but Frank “The Tank” Ricard is the heart and soul of the movie, as well as the funniest character.

I really wish the Saints or Chiefs had some green in their uniforms so I could tell them to bring their green hat.  Still, this small flaw is the only complaint I have about their otherwise perfect starts.

Tier Three: Zoolander

4. Seahawks (4-1) – (2)

5. Colts (4-1) – (5)

6. Patriots (4-1) – (4)

One of Ferrell’s funniest turns came as the maniacal villain in this ridiculous Ben Stiller comedy.  Like in Old School, Ferrell was not the focus of the film, but he had a laugh-out-loud line in basically every scene he was in.  Plus, he invented the piano key necktie.

The Seahawks and Patriots are both coming off of their first losses of the season, but those Colts are so hot right now.

Tier Four: Wedding Crashers

7. 49ers (3-2) – (8)

8. Bengals (3-2) – (9)

9. Ravens (3-2) – (10)

10. Bears (3-2) – (7)

Ferrell is not the main character in Wedding Crashers, or even the fifth biggest character (this seems to be a pattern...sometimes Ferrell is funniest in small doses, which explains why he’s a SNL Hall of Famer), but his appearance is more than a mere cameo, and it produced some of the most memorable parts/ quotable lines in the movie (“Ma…the meatloaf!”). Plus, it's just a better movie than most of the others on this list.

These four 3-2 teams have looked great at times and pedestrian at others.  I would be shocked if the 49ers missed the playoffs, but the other three could go either way.  It’s also fitting that the Ravens are in this tier, because Crabcakes and Football is what Maryland does.

Tier Five: Stranger Than Fiction

11. Packers (2-2) – (14)

12. Cowboys (2-3) – (16)

Stranger than Fiction is to Ferrell what The Truman Show is to Jim Carrey. Although the former is not quite as good as the latter, it did show that Farrell had some range, and was a huge breath of fresh air after his characters started becoming too repetitive.

Despite the mediocre records, the Packers and Cowboys are two of the more dangerous teams in the NFC.  The Cowboys looked extremely impressive in their heartbreaking loss to the Broncos, and the Packers have Aaron Rodgers, which is always nice.

Tier Six: The Other Guys

13. Lions (3-2) – (11)

14. Browns (3-2) – (17)

15. Dolphins (3-2) – (12)

After a glut of increasingly bad movies (*cough* Land of the Lost *cough*), The Other Guys was something of a comeback for Ferrell.  It’s not as funny as his earlier hits, but it is better than the repetitive “Ferrell does ____ sport” movies seen below.  Best of all, he doesn’t play the exact same self-centered, arrogant doofus he always used to play.

It is somewhat of a surprise that these three teams have been as successful as they have been.  They should all be happy about the way their seasons have unfolded, despite all suffering a concerning loss this past week (the Browns won their game, but lost QB Brian Hoyer for the season).

Tier Seven: Elf

16. Titans (3-2) – (18)

17. Jets (3-2) – (24)

18. Cardinals (3-2) – (25)

Elf is a nice little Christmas movie.  It’s not as laugh-out-loud funny as most of the movies on this list, and it gets a little too hokey at the end, but it is enjoyable enough and it features a blonde Zooey Deschanel, which is unexpected.

All three of these teams have 3-2 record, but they are still long shots to make the playoffs. The only way it'll happen is if their fans believe in them! (Seriously, this is corny, even for a Christmas movie).

Tier Eight: Talladega Nights

19. Eagles (2-3) – (22)

20. Texans (2-3) – (15) 

21. Falcons (1-4) – (13)

While not necessarily a bad movie, Talladega Nights tries so hard to recall Ferrell’s best off-the-wall comedies, but fails to reach their heights.  It was also around this time that the nation was suffering from Ferrell fatigue.

Contrary to Ricky Bobby’s mantra, none of these teams are first or last.  In fact, after five weeks, these teams have shown that they have too much talent to be considered bad, but are far too inconsistent to ever feel confident picking them.

Tier Nine: Step Brothers

22. Chargers (2-3) – (19)

23. Raiders (2-3) – (31)

24. Bills (2-3) – (21)

25. Panthers (1-3) – (20)

26. Vikings (1-3) – (23)

27. Redskins (1-3) – (26)

28. Rams (2-3) – (27)

There is a small portion of the population that swear Step Brothers is right up there with Anchorman and Old School.  Those people are wrong.  It’s not that Step Brothers is not enjoyable, it’s just a mediocre movie that’s low on plot and heavy on hit-or-miss one liners.  At least it featured Horatio Sanz in an 80’s Billy Joel cover band.  

These three-loss teams are all pretty mediocre, and none of them are going to make the playoffs.  Well, maybe the Redskins will, but that’s only because the NFC East is terrible.

Tier Ten: Blades of Glory / Semi-Pro

29. Steelers (0-4) – (29)

30. Buccaneers (0-4) – (30)

31. Giants (0-5) – (28)

For all intents and purposes, these are both just poor-man’s versions of Talladega Nights, which is really not the best source material to be imitating.  Blades of Glory is probably a little better, but Semi-Pro is sort of (spoiler?) a fictitious origin story of the alley-oop, so that’s kind of cool.

But as derivative and uninspired as these sports films are, a movie about the 2013 New York Giants would be even worse.

Tier Eleven: Bewitched

32. Jaguars (0-5) – (32)

“Guess what?  I’m a witch.”

“Guess what?  I’m a Jaguars fan.”