Pop Culture Power Rankings: American Idol!

The past couple of weeks, American Idol commercials have been playing on FOX with increasing regularity. This means two things: it is almost time to not watch FOX on Wednesdays and Thursdays (or whenever American Idol is on these days…I’m not looking it up) and that American Idol winners are this week’s theme.

The rankings are based on a combination of the artist’s music sales, how much of an impact they have had on pop culture and how much I like them.

Candice Glover, the most recent champion, has been left off because it is too early to judge her post-Idol career.

1. Kelly Clarkson (Season One)

The original American Idol is also the best to have ever graced the show’s stage. Her vocal range is fantastic, her song choices (and co-writing, when applicable) are excellent and she seems like a fun, kindhearted person. She was even an essential part of one of the best comedy films of the century. The only knock against her is that she’s a Cowboys fan, but no one is perfect.

“Since U Been Gone” may have a sophomoric title (which makes sense, since it is from her second album), but it also might be the best song to have come from anyone associated with the show. Her catalog is easily the most impressive of any Idol alum, and her 2004 breakthrough album (aptly titled Breakaway) produced five singles that charted #12 or higher.

Simply put, she is the best thing to have ever come out of American Idol and her rise to stardom validates the existence of the show. Not even From Justin to Kelly can change that.

2. Carrie Underwood (Season Four)

When all is said and done, there is a great chance that Carrie Underwood will be the highest-selling American Idol contestant of all time. And it is easy to see why; she has a fantastic voice, a great personality and she ain’t exactly hard on the eyes.

Country music is not usually my cup of tea, but I enjoy some of her songs (“Before he Cheats” has completely turned me off from cheating of any kind) and I can certainly appreciate her impressive talent.

Her resume as an actress has also grown over the years, from appearances on How I Met Your Mother and Sesame Street (in which she voiced “Carrie Underworm”), as well as the film Soul Surfer.

She recently starred in NBC’s production of The Sound of Music (filmed live on Long Island!), which debuted to rave reviews. And by “rave reviews,” I mean the only people who liked it must have watched it after getting back from a rave in which they dropped acid.

Regardless, Underwood is a country music titan.

3. Jordin Sparks (Season Six)

The gap separating the top two artists from the rest of the field may be the biggest we’ve had on any power rankings thus far. Seriously, if you took the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean and even those three other oceans that no one cares about and rolled them all into one giant ocean, it still wouldn't be as big as the gap between the top two Idol winners and everyone else. 

And that is what we call hyperbole, which, when used correctly, can help illustrate a point.

I mean no disrespect to Jordin Sparks, but Clarkson and Underwood are the uncontested Queens of American Idol. Who comes after them is up for debate.

I’m going with Ms. Sparks because I believe her singles, namely “Battlefield,” “No Air” and “Tattoo,” are more significant than any three songs that anyone below her has released. She has also acted on Broadway in In the Heights, as well as on film in the unfortunately titled Sparkle (which co-starred Whitney Houston in her final film role).

It also helps that her father is former Giants cornerback Phillippi Sparks, and that she sang the national anthem before Super Bowl 42, in which the Giants took down the previously undefeated Patriots. Good memories.

Here is a cool acoustic recording of Battlefield.

4. David Cook (Season Seven)

David Cook’s biggest contribution may have been the fact that his beating David Archuleta spawned the viral video of little girls crying and screaming that their beloved Archuleta was defeated.

“Light On,” which was co-written by Chris Cornell, sounds like a pretty good Chris Cornell song, while “Time of My Life” and “Come Back to Me” are solid as well.

My most personal David Cook memory came when my American Airlines flight touched down in Los Angeles and “Time of My Life” started playing over the speakers.  It was strange.

5. Phillip Phillips (Season Eleven)

Phillips is the most recent victor on this list, but that hasn’t stopped him from making an immediate and substantial impact on the pop culture landscape. He has already sold over five million downloads, which puts him fourth highest among Idol winners.

His initial single, “Home,” was everywhere in 2012, from commercials to movie trailers, from the Summer Olympics, to me singing it at karaoke. Critics raved about my performance, but that is another blog post entirely.

Follow-up single, “Gone, Gone, Gone,” is solid as well (and will forever make me think of the Delivery Man trailer…or at least until next week when I forget that Delivery Man existed), but “Home” is pretty easily the best Idol coronation song, and may be one of the top five songs released by any Idol contestant.

6. Fantasia Barrino (Season Three)

Much to my surprise, Fantasia is the third highest selling American Idol winner, in terms of album sales, selling over three million units. Her last two albums peaked at #2, and her Idol coronation song (“I Believe”) peaked at #1 in 2004. She starred in The Color Purple on Broadway, as well as her own reality show Fantasia For Real, which lasted for two seasons on VH1.

Plus, I’ll always think of Dinsey’s Fantasia whenever I see her name (I assume everyone does). This causes me to hear The Sorcerer’s Apprentice song in my mind, which makes me smile. But then I remember that Disney turned The Sorcerer’s Apprentice into a terrible live-action movie starring Nicolas Cage and Jay Baruchel, which makes me sad. 

So as you can see, Fantasia Barrino is kind of a mixed bag. 

7. Ruben Studdard (Season Two)

Although Ruben Studdard is often a punch-line, thanks to his weight problems, silly nickname (Velvet Teddy Bear), and the fact that his biggest post-Idol song is the hilariously-titled “Sorry 2004,” but Ruben has had a deceptively successful career. He has sold over two and a half million albums, reached number two on the Billboard charts (2003’s Flying Without Wings), and is currently starring in a popular television show.

Okay, that show is The Biggest Loser, and he is a contestant trying to lose weight. But his name is out there again, and that is definitely something.

8. Scotty McCreery

The Internet tells me that Scotty McCreary has had a number one, platinum album, as well as two others in the top ten. It will also have me believe that the boy with the comically deep voice has had three singles chart on the Billboard 100 (including one called “The Trouble with Girls”), and none of them are this song.

Nice try, Internet, but I’m not buying it.

9. Kris Allen (Season Eight)

The first time I ever heard Kris Allen’s “Live Like We’re Dying,” my initial reaction was that Allen should call up his lawyer to prepare for the eventual lawsuit that The Script would file against him for ripping off their music. After minimal research, I realized that “Live Like We’re Dying” was, in fact, a Script B-side that Allen decided to cover.

Allen’s voice is easy enough to listen to and “Live Like We’re Dying” is a nice little ditty. He's got that heartthrob thing going for him too, but his music is pretty forgettable. 

I mean Mr. Allen no disrespect, but the single biggest travesty in American Idol history was that he somehow defeated Adam Lambert in the finals, most likely because much of our country is still homophobic. It’s really the only explanation that makes any sense, given the massive talent disparity. Seriously, this was Globetrotters vs. Generals stuff.

Luckily, Lambert has gone on to have a very successful career, and has even toured with Queen.

10. Taylor Hicks (Season Five)

Soul patrol!

Not only was Hicks the oldest person to win American Idol (he was 29 years young when he took home the crown), he was also one of the most unlikely Idol champions, beating out arguably the deepest field in the show’s history. He defeated future Smash star Katharine McPhee in the finals, but also toppled Chris Daughtry and Kellie Pickler along the way.

Hicks’ Idol coronation song, “Do I Make You Proud,” charted at #1 and (more importantly) was parodied by "Weird Al" Yankovic. His music career has since stalled, but he found success on Broadway, playing the role of “Teen Angel” in Grease.

He also won a Grammy!

…as a featured artist on Jimmy Fallon’s comedy album, Blow Your Pants Off, in which he appeared on a cover version of Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” alongside Fallon, Stephen Colbert and The Roots.

But to answer the question you asked me seven years ago: Yes, Taylor, you do make me proud.

  

11. Lee DeWyze (Season Nine)

Who?