Pop Culture Power Rankings: Big Cats!

In celebration of the week-long holiday I am currently observing, Big Cat Week, this week’s theme is the best fictional big cats of all time!

Big cats are often defined as members of genus Panthera (Lion, Tiger, Jaguar and Leopard), but we’re going to use the more expansive definition, which also includes Cougars and Cheetahs. So although Garfield is a large fictional cat, he is not eligible.

  

The following were considered but ultimately left off: Baby Puss (The Flintstones), Bagheera (The Jungle Book), Daniel Striped Tiger (Mister Roger’s Neighborhood), Diego (Ice Age), Leo the Lion (MGM), Master Tigress (Kung Fu Panda), Shere Kahn (The Jungle Book and TaleSpin)

1. Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes)

If you have never read any Calvin and Hobbes, stop reading this immediately, revert back to your ten-year-old-self and annoy your parents until they buy you a copy of one of the many amazing Calvin and Hobbes collections. 

If you are still reading, that means you have either read Calvin and Hobbes in the past or you are now ten years old, taking a break from reading Calvin and Hobbes because you just finished the one where Calvin finds an injured Raccoon and you are emotionally spent.

The highly acclaimed comic strip is ranked number one on every single list of the best comic strips of all time (we here at Ned Snark do not acknowledge any list that does not agree) and Hobbes is certainly one of the top two characters in said comic strip (the other being Calvin, which probably goes without saying, but I wanted to make that clear for the hundreds of ten-year-olds reading this blog post).

2. Simba (The Lion King)

If The Lion King is not the greatest animated Disney movie of all time, it is certainly in the top three. So much about the movie has become iconic; no one can ever hold a baby up above his or her head (and you’d be surprised how often this happens to me) without making me hear “Circle of Life” playing in my head. Elton John and Tim Rice’s songs are memorable, Hans Zimmer’s soundtrack is devastatingly beautiful and the characters are timeless. Thus, the titular king himself (no, not Mufasa or Scar, you silly rascals) deserves a place at or near the top of this list.

3. Tigger (Winnie The Pooh)

Like Hobbes, the original Tigger is a little boy’s stuffed animal (Winnie the Pooh author A. A. Milne based all of his characters on his son Christopher Robert’s stuffed animals). But the Tigger we all know and tolerate is the Disney version known for bouncing around on his springy tail. Although his ego and distinctive voice can sometimes grate on me, his happy-go-lucky attitude is infectious.

Still, I’ll never feel comfortable saying his name in public.

4. Aslan (The Chronicles of Narnia)

The lion in “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” Aslan is the lord of Narnia and the only character to appear in all seven books.  He is the spiritual guide and mentor to the children and he wields God-like power, which makes sense because he is basically Jesus Christ in lion form. Although the Bible stuff can be a little preachy sometimes, Aslan is one badass lion Deity. 

It does not hurt (in fact, it helps!) that he is voiced by Liam Neeson in the movies.

5. Richard Parker (Life of Pi)

I have not read Yann Martel’s book, but the movie is the most visually beautiful film I have ever seen. Ang Lee’s direction and Mychael Danna’s score are both top notch, rightfully earning them Oscars in their respective categories. The film did not “make me believe in God,” as one movie theatre usher forewarned might happen, but that is really quite the task. It did, however, make me enjoy myself for two hours.

Richard Parker himself (AKA “Thirsty”) is a massive, formidable creature worthy of our fear and respect.

Fun fact: there are a number of people, in real life and fiction, by the name of Richard Parker who have been shipwrecked.

6. The Cowardly Lion (The Wizard of Oz)

The Cowardly Lion is one of the most instantly recognizable names on this list, but his song about being the king of the forest is perhaps of the least memorable song in the movie. The tried-and-true "If I only had a ___" formula was apparently not good enough for the fourth and final member of Dorothy's party (fifth if you include Toto), as he had to sing an unprecedented second song of his own.

Also, the Lion is the "king of the jungle," not the forest. I don't mean to rip on the guy because he clearly already has some self-esteem issues, but I just see so much potential in him if he could only get his act together.

Here are pictures of the cast of The Wizard of Oz reimagined as hipsters.

7. Tony the Tiger (Frosted Flakes) / Chester Cheetah (Cheetos)

Tony, the best cereal mascot of all time has some tougher competition when it comes to his fellow fictional big cats. But since I already wrote about him last month, I’m going to focus on his cheesier counterpart.

Chester, like many of the great food mascots, is hopelessly addicted to his product: crunchy, finger-staining cheese flavored puffed cornmeal. When he is not snorting cheesy orange lines, he is encouraging snacking consumers to sabotage the clothes of people who have wronged them in some way. He may be creepy, but I can get behind his vindictive behavior.

8. The Pink Panther

Originally just a dancing cartoon panther in the opening credits of the classic movie about a pink diamond, the Pink Panther character garnered enough popularity to warrant his own animated television show. The cartoon ran for eleven years on various networks with seven different names, including "The Pink Panther Meets the Ant and the Aardvark" and "The Pink Panther Laugh and a Half Hour and a Half Show."

Although the Pink Panther rarely ever spoke, his theme music is iconic enough to make up for it.

Fun fact: The term "panther" does not refer to one species of big cats in particular. In North America, the term panther is synonymous with cougars, which are also known as mountain lions, pumas or catamounts. They belong to genus Puma and not genus Panthera. Get your shit together, science.

9. Rajah (Aladdin)

Princess Jasmine’s fearsome friend and protector, Rajah is the ultimate guard tiger. Although he doesn't get as much screen time as the talking characters, I like to think that he (along with fellow mute character "Magic Carpet") is the true hero of Aladdin. Well, maybe not, but I needed to fill some space before I got to my "fun fact," and I really didn't have much to say about this speechless tiger.

Fun fact: at the end of the movie, when Rajah is magically turning back from a tiger cub into an adult tiger, his head momentarily looks like a tiger version of Mickey Mouse.

10. Alex the Lion (Madagascar)

If I were to write a spec script for the next Madagascar film, which would be about an uprising of undead animals titled: Madagascar: The Zombies of Zambia, I would find a way to work in these terrible puns:

Alex, upon waking up in the Serengeti: “How did I Seren-get here?”

Alex, upon telling Melman the Giraffe that he is going into the river: “You Con-go with me, if you’d like.”

Alex, upon witnessing the gruesome death of Gloria the Hippopotamus: “Kenya believe it? She’s a Ghana!"

11. Snagglepuss (The Yogi Bear Show)

Although he possesses one of the great catchphrases of all time (“Heavens to Murgatroyd!” as well as “Exit stage left!”), I just can’t get over that name.  Hannah-Barbara’s pink mountain lion was originally named “Snaggletooth,” which is much better, but perhaps not as fitting for this silly pussycat.